My early years were spent in a catholic school. The effect of that upbringing has stayed with me even now in my adult life for better or worse. I have to say unlike most stories of Catholic girls schools, mine was blissfully empty of any nasty memories. In fact those were some of the best years in my life. The innocence and wide eyed wonder that I looked at the world then, has been replaced with a more cynical view of the world we live in today. Well maybe not. I still see the world thru rose coloured glasses.

I suppose I was indoctrinated with certainly principles, ones which I still stand by today, during my time at Sacred Heart. These principles included always looking for the good in anything and anyone. Believing that there is something in everyone worth fighting for. Believing that love can conquer all. Believing in extending a helping hand whenever you can. Believing that each and everyone us has the power to make a difference. Believing that before you find fault with someone to make sure that you are not the cause of the problem. Interesting effect of which is I have many many conversations in my head and outloud with the imaginary other person, whilst playing devils advocate. Yes I know it sounds and looks crazy for someone to talk to themselves, but I swear I'm my own brutally honest and hardest critic. No need to pay for a therapist when you can lay it on to yourself. And somehow this is how I can get myself to see things from the other persons perspective. Oh and I am incapable of lieing. To myself or anyone for that matter. You will always get the truth from me.

So how strong are these convictions of mine? I remember everyday actively planning a good deed and not feeling like my day was complete until I had my deed done. Be it helping someone cross the street, sharing my snacks with a friend, etc

As a child I remember spending an entire summer trying to tame a rabid doberman owned by a relative. This dog was huge, bigger than me and with an insanity in his eyes. He was chained to a tree, because if let loose he would rip the first person he came across to shreds.

But I believed in him. I thought that this was a dog that had not been loved and all I needed to do was show it some affection, showed it I cared and I could reverse it's mental malady. I kid you not, I would spend hours, HOURS, talking to this dog, cooing to it, singing to it, whatever I thought would show my affection towards it. At the beginning it would howl and bark incessantly, growl and show it's teeth, but I prevailed and held strong. After many weeks, it stopped growling when I would show up. I saw this as a validation that my instincts were right. I kept at it, even though everyone now thought I was the crazy one and not the dog!!

Eventually it actually lay on the ground while I talked to it. So one day, gathering up all my courage and thinking to myself that finally love had broken past the barriers that had held this dog trapped in a state of insanity, I decided to approach him and touch him.

He was on the ground, lying there like always. I kept talking in my sing songy voice and slowly stepping towards him. I will never forget the way he looked at me with those eyes. Because in an instant he went from almost docile pose to lunging rabidly at me. I stepped back quickly in a panic, tripped and fell to the ground. He closed his enormous mouth with even more enormous teeth a mere 6 inches away from my neck.
I slowly crawled away and then stood up and broke into a run. My heart was beating so fast, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. That was the last time I ventured near my doggy friend.

And to this day I still terrified to death of big dogs. So much for love conquers all.

So you think I would have learnt my lesson. But noooo. I was not about to quit. That another trait I have. I refuse to give up on someone. So in my life I have continued along that path. And I have met many people, some that others may have moved away from, seen as not a worthwhile relationship etc, But I always looked for that something in them, that something that was worth keeping. I figured it's not always about what you can get from the other person, sometimes it's about what they can get from you. I also believe that anyone that crosses paths with has a part in your life and ultimate destiny. They are there for a reason. So hold on to them, because they are worth knowing. Okay I have never met a mass murderer, and I suppose that would have to the exception to this thought process, but you get my gist.

Anyways nothing makes me happier that being surrounded by the people I know, people who in one way or another have helped shape who I am today. To this end I have tried my best to keep in touch with everyone, in spite of the fact that I have moved around so much. Thanks to the internet I have been able to connect with friends from my days in Japan, with old friends from my school in Iran, and university classmates.

And last week I made contact with a few dear friends I had lost touch with for a long time. It was one of the few instances that I can say I deliberately cut myself off from someone. It's a long story, but sometimes you have to give people their space, to heal and move on. Sometimes the choices we make in life have the unfortunate consequence of hurting those around us, regardless of our intentions. No matter how much you want to fix things, you can't unless they want you to fix it. And so with a heavy heart I closed a chapter of my life thinking that this was the end.

Well I made contact, I decided what the heck. The worst that can happen is I'll get rejected. It never matters to me to be the one to take the first step. I'm never that proud to let that get in the way of resolving a problem. To my utter surprise I got a response back and so after all these years I have the priveledge of having my friends back. Life is good. Yes indeed. And I'm glad I stuck to my principles. Thank you Sister Watanabe. For being my role model all these years...

The dog thing, well I think I may need some serious therapy for that, you just can't win 'em all!!